Yesterday was a funny day called New Year’s Eve, which just so happens to be the birthday of an even funnier fictional character. So I figured I might as well write an article about what an absolute chad he was in the context of 5e optimization strategies.
I am, of course, talking about Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort, the great dark wizard who had the potential to be the most powerful caster in the Harry Potter universe but unfortunately reached the age of 18 and got his “be good at your main job” license revoked. In this article, I will explain why more 5e players should be like Voldemort. You probably shouldn’t use the last point though.
1. One Morbillion Inferi in the Lake
In book six, we get to see how he managed to fortify a cave containing his locket Horcrux. The following precautions have been put in place:
- It is impossible to Apparate into the cave. This effect can be replicated by casting Mordenkainen’s private sanctum on the area every day for a year, making it permanent.
- A concealed door requiring blood to open. In order to do so in 5e, Voldemort would have had to use prestidigitech, taking an item from the Gothic Trinkets table(see point 3 in the linked article). While prestidigitech can be rather wildly unbalanced, this use is well within the realm of things you could probably expect to pull off in a game.
- Finally, most importantly perhaps, there is a legion of undead at the bottom of the lake, waiting to beat up anyone who tries to drink water. The closest 5e equivalent would be the use of either finger of death – a very good 7th-level spell – to massacre commoners and leave them here, or animate dead to take advantage of the fact that the undead stick around when the spell ends and will want to kill anything, which is just what we wanted anyway.
Ah, but zombies are noticeable, even in the dark and underwater! What we need is a way to boost their Stealth. If Voldemort was a 5e player, he would no doubt have cast conjure minor elementals and planar bound his Chwingas to keep them around in the cave. Chwingas have at-will pass without trace, and you can fit many creatures into the spell’s area. It’s probably better to use finger of death in that case so your zombies don’t kill your Chwingas.
2. Wielding the Monster Manual
As a student, Voldemort found the Chamber of Secrets and the Basilisk, which became his ally. Many of the most effective tactics in 5e involve getting your hands on a monster statblock, simply because they generally weren’t designed with PC use in mind despite options for PCs to use them being available since the PHB. Take a look at the good summon spells, as well as planar binding and true polymorph. We also have the 14th-level Necromancy Wizard feature and the Oathbreaker Paladin Channel Divinity.
Getting control over a really powerful monster is a sign that Voldemort is following the 5e optimizer sigma grindset.
3. Pass without Trace
A creature that receives this bonus leaves behind no tracks or other traces of its passage. – 5e PHB.
At the age of 16, Voldemort commits triple murder in a house and, as we are told in book four, the bodies bear no evidence of ever having been murdered. Let us also remember that in every combat we see him in, Voldemort has a tendency to shoot first. Is it just high initiative, or a +15 bonus to Stealth? Granted, he literally talks before attacking, but flavor is free(“my stealth is talking to people before I murder them because I like villain monologues but there’s no reason not to be hiding in 5e”).
With a 4th-level slot and a slot of 5th-level or higher, you too can be like Voldemort and carry around a Chwinga in your pocket… or eight.
4. Chwinga-Man
Continuing down the “Voldemort is a Chwinga enjoyer” rabbit hole, let us observe that the guidance cantrip stacks. As we remember from the example of death ward stacking, when one instance of guidance ends the next one becomes active. We can roll the d4 before or after making the check, and the spell ends immediately after we roll the d4. So we just roll all our d4s before making the ability check and get a +7d4 bonus to the roll – something my current Warlock in Baldur’s Gate: Descent into Avernus really likes to do.
If we assume Legilimency is detect thoughts in 5e terms, we can now see why the Dark Lord is considered a master of it – having an average modifier of +22.5 will do that.
5. Unassisted Flight
Voldemort is one of only two characters who can fly without any magical equipment. Since his familiar is not always next to him, we can rule out casting fly via a familiar – this leaves us with two main options for how he does it, a glyph of warding or being a flying race reflavored to human. Whichever of the two he is, he’s making a smart move.
6. Prestidigi-Dark Mark
Once again delving into the insanity of prestidigitech, I will take a look at something Sil mentions in the second part of his guide. Specifically, the part where we can change the color of the sky or put a sign on it. This is the closest way to replicate the summoning of the Dark Mark in the sky above.
7. Magic Jar
Remember how he was possessing Quirrell in the first book? Yeah. I suppose the utter insanity of magic jar is quite known by now, so I’ll leave it at that. Possessing a humanoid statblock with useful properties is clearly a good move.
Voldemort used the less powerful magic jar strategy few people talk about and didn’t pick a body with good stats, but rather one belonging to a person with the ability to get into places he wanted to go to.
8. Lichstack
The closest parallel I can find to a Horcrux in 5e is the lichdom process outlined in Minsc and Boo’s Journal of Villainy. Like Horcruxes, the lichdom ritual has no limit on the number of times you can perform it. The features it grants also do not have a duration, so you’re not affected by the rules preventing multiple of the same effect stacking.
Most of the things you get aren’t going to give you any benefits for taking multiple, but there are two notable exceptions:
- If you are destroyed you gain a new body in 1d10 days. If you gain this feature seven times…??? Either nothing extra happens which is more sane, or suicide becomes hyper-simulacrum.
- If your DM does allow you to continue play as a lich, it is recommended that you receive no legendary actions, no lair actions, no paralyzing touch and no legendary resistance. Recommended doesn’t mean enforced, so it’s possible that Voldemort’s DM would have given him those. There are certainly cases where I would give these benefits to a player who performed the lichdom ritual, given that we’re talking about 17th-level 5e spellcasters and balance is long gone from the game.
With seven Horcruxes in 5e… would Voldemort have had 21 legendary actions? We may never know.
Concluding thoughts
This article is something of a joke – obviously, characters from outside 5e cannot be represented by 5e rules with any amount of accuracy. However, it’s funny to see how Voldemort’s actions mirror optimal 5e gameplay at times, and I find the whole thing rather amusing.
I hope you liked the tech here, it’s pretty dumb in places. Thanks for reading, and Happy New Year – may it be better than the last one!
Form of Dread - D&D Tactics 